Teachers Share What Their Best Smart-Ass Response From A Student Ever Was

A very interesting discussion is going on, with teachers describing the best smart-ass comments and remarks that they have ever had said to them or witnessed.

We asked our website community (click here to join the discussion for free) which has at least two few thousand teachers what their best smart-ass response ever was from a student.

Some students of course pitched in. This is like getting the highlight reel of the best smart-ass moments to ever happen in classrooms around the world.

The first comes from a student:

Lets kick things off by a great act of smart-assery which was witnessed by a student:

My cousin’s house burned down while she was in high school. When she returned to school, she went to her chemistry teacher (who didn’t like her much) with her mostly burned, soggy chemistry book and said “Sorry Mr. Smith, my house burned down and this is all that’s left of my book.”

He looked her in the eyes and said in a deadpan voice “Well, that’s a chemical reaction.” and then walked away.

User: Snivy_Whiplash

One teacher responded with:

Had my class of working class kids at an art gallery. As we waited for our tour to begin we played on the small playground near the door. A prep school kid in a uniform approached two of my boys and said, ‘I bet I’m smarter than you are!’ I watched to make sure no blood was drawn – my students can hold their own pretty much anywhere and they don’t accept insults casually.

But they were cool. ‘No you’re not. Are you in Grade 2?’ The boy said he was and one of my boys said, So Then we’re all grade 2. So we are all grade 2 smart.’ He went back to climbing the monkey bars.

But the prep school kid continued. ‘I know I’m smarter. Let’s do some math and I’ll prove it.’

The toughest kid in my room looked this guy square in the eye and said, ‘Well, I’m smart enough not to do math when I’m having fun on a playground.’

User: Earl_I_Lark

This one is one of my favorites and was witnessed by a student:

We had a substitute who was leafing through the yearbook and got to the senior superlatives.

Our school mascot was the eagles. She started reading some if then aloud and said. “Oh that’s nice, Sara most school spirited” a student answered back “Yeah, because she’s always spread eagle”.

The substitute couldn’t keep from laughing, as much as she tried not to.

User: ninamica

Another student, -jackschitt-, witnessed this great smart-ass remark:

My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks.

Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with “You’ve gotta be a man. You’ve gotta be like me.”

The student replied with: “Well which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?”

Another teacher shared her best smart-ass response from a student:

“Why are you all talking?” “Because you’re not!”

I teach second grade, and immediately sent the teacher out of the room to sit in the hallway. Kid was sent out of the room.

This is in regards to the rule: “don’t talk when the teacher’s talking.”

User: pocketMAD

Another student encountered a great smart-ass response during coaching classes for entrance exams:

The math teacher reduced a given problem to a simpler form and challenged the students “So this expression doesn’t fit any of the given standard forms for us to find the particular integral. So what do you propose we do?”

A kid from the back shouted “The next question”

Student A says to student B, “Dude, shut the fuck up!”

Staff says, “Student A, we don’t talk that way. In the future find a more appropriate way of expressing yourself.”

Student A says to staff, “Oh, sorry” then turns to student B and says, “Dude, would you please shut the fuck up.”

User: Babyality

This one was witnessed at football practice:

Kid: do we have to wear ties to school friday?

Coach: Does a bear shit in the woods?

Kid: A polar bear doesn’t.

User: Ne_Ultra

This one was submitted by a woman who teaches in the inner city:

We were talking about prime numbers so I would have kids give me a number and we’d work out if the number was a prime number on the board. One kid wasn’t paying attention so me being a young teacher I thought I’d catch him off guard and call on him. It went something along the lines of

“Marc, do you have a number?”


“I need your number.”

“Sheeeit, play it cool, girl. We can talk after class.”

The whole room lost their shit and I turned red from embarrassment. They then laughed at how red I got.

User: blondeandtall

This student didn’t even need to say a word to be a total smart-ass with class (and perhaps a case of insomnia):

A kid in my math class would sleep on his desk. One day the teacher called on him to answer a problem on the chalkboard. He woke up, solved the problem on the board with zero difficulty, and then just went back to sleep.

The teacher repeated the same thing a few times with similar results, and then just let him sleep the rest of the year.

User: MagnusT

Here we have a case of the teacher making amazing (and you could say a smart-ass response) of an embarrassing moment:

This is sort of a flip from the question, but there was this awesome history teacher I had freshman year of high school who was just always in an amazing mood. We’ll call him Mr. Smith.

One day everyone is sitting in class waiting for the tardy bell to ring when a kid sneaks a condom onto the door handle. The bell rings and Mr. Smith walks into the room, grabs the handle to close the door, and pulls the condom off of it. Looks at the condom-helmet for a split second and stuffs it into his pocket while saying “Thanks, I’ll need this later.”

User: Mattxy8

I’m a writer based out of East Village, Manhattan. I work from my condo and local coffee shops (and a few restaurants with menus that are more unhealthy than licking a subway railing), meeting friends who have boats or boat access, touring the zoo for the zoo to visit my ex-boyfriends, and forcing my political beliefs on others at social events (kidding, don’t be one of those people.