49 Shitty Life Pro Tips You Won’t Believe You Lived Without

If you have been searching for awful and totally useless life hacks, you are in luck. FemaleIntel has compiled a list of the worst advice ever.

Some of these shitty life hacks come from a subreddit called /r/ShittyLifeProTips, and while they won’t provide much assistance, they are quite useful when you’re in need of a good audible laugh. Whether using ketchup as a bookmark, applying a raw defrosted chicken breast to remove dust from hard-to-reach areas, or saving time while ensuring better dental hygiene by adding toothpaste to your meals these “pro” life hacks are guaranteed to make you laugh hard while failing to provide any practical advice.

Darwin Award Winning Note: These tips are a joke and may be dangerous, so don’t try any at home unless you’re supervised by a certified dumbass.

50. Take A Selfie Through A Toilet Roll Tube And Pretend You’re The Moon

49. Use A Toilet Seat To Put Your Plate On While Watching TV

48. Sneak A Chocolate Into American Movie Theatres With This Trick

47. Cut Your Tennis Balls In Half To Store Two More Balls In Each Can, Saving Space

46. Use This Vest Protect Your Personal Space On The Subway

45. Spray Your Headphones With Some “Johnson’s No More Tangles” When They Are Tangled

44. Use The Metal Part Of Your Seat Belt To Open Beers While Driving

43. Magnify Your Phone’s Screen By Putting It In A Glass Of Water

42. Keep Cake Moist By Eating It All In One Sitting

41. Don’t Buy New Socks. Use A Permanent Marker Instead

40. Put Your New Tv Box On Your Neighbor’s Side So You Wouldn’t Get Robbed

39. Use Laptop Chargers To Heat Snacks Up

38. Put A Bean Filled Glove On Your Baby’s Back When You Want Your Kids To Feel Loved, But You’re Too Tired

37. If You See Someone Crying, Ask If It Is Because Of Their Haircut

36. Stop Tears In The Kitchen With This Life Hack

35. Impress Your Guests And Reduce Clutter With This Simple Tip

34. Save Time By Adding Toothpaste To Your Food

33. Use This Tip When You Want To Take A S**t Discretely

32. Use Duct Tape And Fork When There’s No Spoon In The Office


30. Use Your Phones When You Put Too Much Water In Your Rice


28. Use Your Hood As A Bowl For Popcorn


26. Use This Tip If You Are A Student


24. Use Your Cat To Clean Your Floors And Save On Expensive Store-Bought Cleaners

23. Check If You Are Colorblind With This Useful Image


21. Save Money With This Life Hack


19. Plug A Surge Protector Into Itself For Infinite Power


17. Use This Go Go Gadget On A Sunny Day Out For A Hands Free Experience


15. Just Add Water For A Quick And Easy Pasta


13. Use This Hack When Your Car Heater Doesn’t Work


11. Put A Plastic Bag Over Your Head To Make The Workday Go By Faster


9. Reverse Your Window A/C Unit Like So To Save On A Costly Heating. It’s Also Good For The Environment Because It Cools The Outside, Reducing Global Warming


7. Eat For Free For The Rest Of Your Life


5. Use Ketchup As A Bookmark

4. Use Ruler For This Life Hack

3. Buy As Many Tickets As You Can Afford

2. If You’re Up Really Late Studying For Finals, Try Swapping Your Contact Solution With Coffee For A Quick Pick-Me-Up

Did you learn a thing or two from this list of shitty pro tips?

If so, share it with your friends and family. Don’t be greedy with knowledge.

I’m a writer based out of East Village, Manhattan. I work from my condo and local coffee shops (and a few restaurants with menus that are more unhealthy than licking a subway railing), meeting friends who have boats or boat access, touring the zoo for the zoo to visit my ex-boyfriends, and forcing my political beliefs on others at social events (kidding, don’t be one of those people.