39 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Will Make You Wonder What Their Parents Were Thinking

All I could think of while creating this picture gallery was “Wow, this reminds me of the song “‘A Boy Named Sue.'” The song tells the tale of a young man’s quest for revenge on a father who abandoned him at three years of age and named him Sue.

Angered by the embarrassment and abuse that he endures from his name, he swears he will find and kill his father. When Sue locates his father at a tavern and confronts him saying, “My name is Sue! How do you do? Now you’re gonna die!” The song went Gold before it even went No. 1 (very rare) and earned a Grammy in 1970.

I think everyone featured in this gallery has contemplating killing their parents over their name, too.

The 39 Most Hilariously Unfortunate Names Ever Given:

Sam Sung

Seems like they may have a conflict of interest on their hands…

Saad Man

He’s doing a good job of living up to his name, by the looks of the picture.

P. Ennis

All I can think of is “f.uck”.

Mr. Perv

I just feel bad for his students…

Hitler Mussolini

Whoever named this man is just plain cruel. A fascist through and through.

Dick Long

We all know that in schools and libraries they file your name in the order of “Last, First”. Hopefully he went on to become a popular writer.

Dick Black

Listening to him is like getting a taste of… “amazing”.

Mike Litoris

This is what happens when abstinence-only sexual education is taught in school.

Paul Twocock

The stories behind a surname like this must be quite interesting. Assuming this man is gay, he has the perfect name.

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Moe Lester

“I met Moe Lester yesterday.” – “Did you call the cops?”

Dr. Shit Fun Chew

The “Fun Chew” at the end really completes the name.

Lieutenant Les Mcburney

Nothing but true irony.

Mrs. Weiner & Mrs. Butt

I’m sure they work great together.

Robert Fagot

Summary: “Never been married”

Jesus Condom

Good job of sticking it to the Catholic church!

Major Dickie Head

You don’t want to make jokes about his name… he may be packing.

Mrs. Rape

Mr. Perv and Mrs. Rape… let’s just hope they don’t work at the same school.

Cooking With Poo

Enjoy your meal! We are out of napkins, so here is some toilet paper.

Gay Neighbors

What will the neighbors think?!

Crystal Methven

Her parents either had a strange sense of humor or were both meth cooks.

Dr. Whet Faartz

I would suggest he consider changing his diet.

Kash Register

Exonerated from taking cash from the register, I suppose.

Lord Brain

That is just pure awesome…

Dick Raper

Is that a name, a title, or an accusation?

Chew Kok Long

Sometimes I wonder if western names also have weird connotations when interpreted in asian languages…

Jack Daniels

He’s screwed if he ever gets pulled over for a DUI.

Mister Love

Bad love apparently…

Vagina Natalia

Bloody hell…

Chris P. Bacon

Bacon is a pretty common name… just look at Kevin Bacon.

Willie Stroker

Don’t cast any judgement yet.

Batman Bin Suparman

I think this name is a serious win, not a fail.

Weiner And Beaver

And his name is Mike, too.

Dick Smalley

You can tell a lot about a man by his name…

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Lord Vol Demort

Him and Harry Potter will eventually meet.

F. You

Hey! No need to get aggressive.

Dick Power

And look how happy he is.

Dick Swett

Dick Tips magazine… if you need them that is.

B.J. Cobbledick

This poor girl has a dodgy surname, but her initials “BJ” are quite dodgy too. How did her parents not realize this?

Flavour Balls

It looks like Jeremy Backhole isn’t proud either.

I’m a writer based out of East Village, Manhattan. I work from my condo and local coffee shops (and a few restaurants with menus that are more unhealthy than licking a subway railing), meeting friends who have boats or boat access, touring the zoo for the zoo to visit my ex-boyfriends, and forcing my political beliefs on others at social events (kidding, don’t be one of those people.